I’ve visited two families recently (actually, about eleven but thats not relevant) and you could really tell the difference. The one family were polite, friendly, offered me a drink and spoke at great length about their loss of a loved one, and about the person they were. The other chain smoked through my visit, didn’t really know much about the relative, and weren’t interested in any religious aspect of the event.
Which made me wonder, why do people who obviously have no faith, and no interest in faith, want a Minister to perform a funeral service? Are we an ecclesiastical insurance policy, just in case something exists after death? Is it because it is the done thing? There are other options, and sometimes these might be a better choice for the family, such as a Humanist funeral, all of which the Funeral Director could advise on.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to help any family with their loss, and do so whenever possible, but sometimes, just sometimes, there are other families who I could be offering support to who might actually want it, rather than just seeing me as a tea drinking salesman, who will say a few comforting words and go away. That isn’t what the funeral is for. The funeral has three main purposes
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To say goodbye to a loved one
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To remember the fond memories of happy times
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To reflect on our lives.
And the last one is possibly most important, its to think of our own relationships with each other, with God, and with ourselves. The desire to be inward looking is important, for our spiritual well being and for our continued mental health.
January 23, 2008 at 8:19 am |
Why do they want a Minister? Nuts, isn’t it? But our shopping culture doesn’t engage with death. A funeral is an invidious occasion to be got through somehow. If it’s a bleak and meaningless occasion, what else did they expect? People do not think about what a funeral is for, so they go for the default funeral — the one they have always known. Undertakers are to blame, too. Their love of tradition and dressing up in silly clothes disposes them to deliver their clients into the care of someone else dressed up in ceremonial garb. There are, did you know, celebrants who will do semi-religious funerals for people — a hymn or two and a Lord’s Prayer. Humanists are atheists (a very strange faith group which evangelises a negative), and most people are not atheists; they are don’t knows or in-betweens. Have a look at iocf.org.uk And speak to your undertakers. By finding the right celebrant/officiant for their clients they will be doing them a favour — and you!
Best wishes
Charles